kilrhadi

Another song? Hahaha. Yes it’s another song. It’s from dishwalla. I like them actually. They play good Music… Quality music! This one is actually quite old but it’s still nice to listen. I don’t need to post the video link coz i know you guys know this song.

So why am I posting this. There’s only one reason and it’s relationship. And it happens that my girlfriend’s nick name is angel. Angel, she’s so fine,cool,fun to be with. Aaahhh she’s just great….I remember the old days when she was still at zamboanga. Those are the times where she’s so free and she does what she wants she’s herself, she is just her.There are bad sides in her when I first met her but it’s ok on me tho not on my family… I told my family don’t judge her yet you don’t even know her much. And so when they did know her they want me to take good care of her hahaha. She’s so welcome in the family when they already know her that much.

Everything went slowly blurry in our relationship. Especially when she lost her brother.. Aaarrgg!! Damn it! Because of this i have to step back a bit to give her time to recover. I couldn’t imagine myself the feelings i have knowing that my girl is in vain, that my girl is crying day and night. I just can’t help! This gives me pain inside knowing that you can’t do a thing to help but cheer the one’s you love. Man! that ain’t enough! I wasn’t even there to rub her back or tap her shoulder or to hug her during those days of great lost in her life. Then things gets more blurry when we decided to cool off for 2 weeks to give each other’s time for ourselves since I am in deep sh3t too. When I finally got my job back got a good amount of income and some sideline. I heard that her mom’s moving out from their house and gonna go and stay on their grand parents and her mom wants us to break up. WhaaaaaT? This is my question to myself. Why? But still we remain to be together in secrets, until now. And if her mom read my blog i’m pretty sure she’ll know the truth. And if ever her mom knows the truth it’s ok. The decision is still her’s to make. Even tho, her mom wants it that way it’s still gonna be her final decision.

After the long blurry days we did what we can to restore our relationship. I remember we started out going out watch movies food tripping.. Then we went out to a bar drunk ourselves. It feels good to have her beside me again. Then suddenly one night during our another get together moment. THe night started great we laughed, we drunk, we have good story telling… All of the sudden she left the cam to go and use the Comfort room. I scan the pictures and was shock to see that a man is hugging so passionately in this certain picture! OMG! are they? fak it! damn! those are my reaction. So what i did is just to leave the pic open and the cam at the table so she could see that I saw that picture. And so she explained… that she wanted her mother to know that we are over.. that this is a cover up. I wasn’t really convinced but I trust her words so it slowly faded away but not that sudden. Because i heard her talking about this guy a foreign guy from the game with a great look a very attractive voice, I got so insecure. I felt that she’s getting cold on our relationship. That my love is not enough for her and I am not enough for her. I thought of different things… Damn… She already has a bf and to like another guy and let your bf knows that she likes this guy and they go on private conversation just the two of them it just sucks! It just kills me as a man. My ego is wrecked! my manhood stepped. Then again she explained that it was a crush thing… Oh… crap… Ain’t she thinking of what will I feel? But what can I do she said she’s telling the truth and there’s nothing to be jealous about it. I got over it somehow but not really even until now. I trust her so I told her not to waste it for if it is wasted there won’t be any second thought..

Again, then again things going a bit better for both of us but it didn’t last long. For her grandfather just rush in to the ICU for medical threatment T_T. WTH! Mami ko… why does things has to happen!? You’re family haven’t recovered yet to the lost of your brother now your grandfather is in ICU… And us, we are just recovering and we can’t see each other again for long again because you have to be with your family…. Oh well the hell about my need of your presence and attention as long as your family will recover from all of this. Good thing a 72 year old sculptor has a strong heart… Which made him recover fast. Tho, until now he’s still in his private room for full recovery but it’s already a relief. Thank God for His Mercy and protection on her GrandFather.

Then, just yesterday she tried an audition for PDA…. I know and I believe her.I strongly stand strong that my girl sings well and she has a very quality voice. I convince and encourage her to continue on trying for the audition. but when the day came and her preparations are set for the audition she was just ask to sing a verse of the song she prepared. That’s it? just the first? her song isn’t that much exciting on the first first it has to be sang entirely.. The voicing and the blending of the voice cannot really be notice or appreciated much just on one single verse. OMG! no wonder many PDA who was able to join last time don’t really deserve to be there. Because of the way they doing the audition.

My angel has been to a lot of depressing moments and our relationship is affected. I see much anger in her, she ain’t sweet anymore, she’s easily angered and she always wanna pick a fight on me or quarrel me a lot time even in small ways or mistake i do or none at all…. Man it just makes me feel that she’s saying hey you you’re another pain in the ass get off my way shuu shuu…go away shuu shuu.

It hurts me knowing that this things are happening to my girl.Tho, I wanna comfort her give her most of my time do take her our for a food trip or a movie it’s just not gonna be possible because she still has to be with her family.

I know most of you who’ll read this may think that i am a martyr but i don’t care. I wanna be with her I want to love her. This is the only thing I can do.After all these things she’s been through right now. All i can offer i my love.

I know she loves me but this things that is happening in her life right now is killing her slowly and it affects her love for me she don’t even notice that she’s already hurting me in some ways. It’s ok I do understand. I’ll just burst out anyways if i can’t take it anymore. I love her i hope she wouldn’t take it for granted.

Here’s the lyrics of the song: Angels or Devils by Dishwalla

this is the last time
that I’m ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I’m always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I’m ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I’m always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I’m always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

This entry was posted on Friday, October 5th, 2007 at 2:55 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.